i QUiT

I’m such a bad girl now
I do bad things and think bad too
but I don’t give a fuck
I want to be a fucking savage
I want to do what I want to do

I fucked him
He fucked me
I let you go
I don’t feel sad

For two years now
I had a routine of waking up
And then immediately thinking of you
Everyday for two years
But now I lay with someone new
And I have no time to think of you
And I realize for the first time
When I wake up, there’s a different picture
This boy has long hair
Red lips and hands that I want to draw
His body feels electric next to mine
His blue eyes are so piercing
They remind me of the ice you put inside me
That cold night in January when we died
For the first time in two years, I wake up
And I don’t see you anymore
I don’t hear your voice telling me you love me
I can’t feel your body next to mine
Finally I’m free
But I still have my fears
I see this boy in my head and he’s lighting up
Into a million little stars
I don’t know if it’s a green light
or a proceed with caution sign
Part of me just wants to end it all
To never see this boy ever again
Because it’s too good
It’s too good and I can’t lose something precious again
I’d rather kill it before it’s alive
But my god are you beautiful
And my god do I want to love you